


Dennis Has a Cold

by InsanityRule



Series: It's Always Sunny Script Fics [13]
Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Screenplay/Script Format, Sick Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-24
Updated: 2015-04-24
Packaged: 2018-03-25 11:51:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3809374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsanityRule/pseuds/InsanityRule
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dennis is under the weather and Mac is the best nurse there is when you're sick.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dennis Has a Cold

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



[10:10 am.]

[On a Tuesday.]

[Philadelphia, PA.]

[Mac is pacing around the apartment.]

Mac: Dennis hurry up we’re running late! The movie’s gonna start the previews won’t last forever!

[Dennis comes out of his room, looking like death warmed over. He sneezes a few times and groans.]

Mac: Den? You uh, you doing okay?

Dennis: Fine, fine I’m fine I’m a God Mac Gods don’t get sick I’m fine. [Swoons forward.]

Mac: Shit Dennis! [Runs to catch him, misses and Dennis falls to the floor.] Dennis!

[Mac picks Dennis up and struggles to carry him out of the apartment.]

 

[Dennis Has a Cold.]

[Truncated Theme Music.]

 

[Emergency room.]

Mac: And he’s really sweaty and sneezing and he’s freaking me out!

Nurse: Son do you need to sit down? You look like you’re going to pass out.

Mac: No, no see he already did that and he needs help please!

Nurse: Honey, he has a cold.

Mac: What.

[Dennis is awake in a chair now, wrapped in a hospital blanket. He sneezes and the nurse hands him a box of tissues.]

Nurse: Free of charge. Don’t get snot in my emergency room. Take him home, and let him rest.

 

Mac: It’s okay dude I got you. [Helping Dennis out the door.]

Dennis: I’m not sick Gods not sick not- [Sneezes.]

Mac: It’s okay Den you’re okay you’ll be fine!

[The range rover is up on the decorative divider between two parking lot sections.]

Mac: You’ll be fine bro I got you. Just… just keep it cool and I’ll do all the shit you do for people with colds. Promise.

Dennis: Baby boy ‘sat you? ‘M cold.

Mac: [Puts Dennis in the passenger seat.] We’ll blast the heat bro you’ll be cool, I mean warm, I mean fine!

 

[Apartment. The car is once again up on a curb.]

Mac: Okay Dennis I got this I’ll be your nurse thing caregiver. I’ll… I’ll make soup and keep you warm and cuddle or whatever you need today bro!

Dennis: Water?

Mac: Huh? Oh, oh shit yeah! [Runs to the kitchen at top speed, skids into the table and knocks it over, drops two glasses and they break before he manages to fill one and bring it back.] Here, Den. Cold water.

Dennis: I need more blankets, I think. [Shivering.]

Mac: Yeah, yeah Den I can do that you stay on the couch okay?

[Dennis calmly sitting on the couch holding his water, watching TV.]

[Mac piles what must be every single blanket in the apartment onto Dennis’ lap. He helps Dennis make a giant nest out of them and sits beside him.]

Dennis: Wh- these are from my bed!

Mac: Well you said you were cold dude! I wanted you to be warm!

Dennis: Yes, but now I have to remake [Sneezes.] Tissue, Mac tissue. Now!

Mac: Ah, ah, we don’t have any!! [Tearing through the apartment, back and forth, digs through the bathroom cabinet, guts the closet with Dennis’ sex kit, zip ties and rope flying as he searches.] Nothing!

Dennis: There’s a store, Mac.

Mac: I’ll be back dude! I swear!

 

[Convenience store.]

Mac: [Has about twenty boxes of tissues.] What do I do for colds!?

Cashier: Um… sleep?

Mac: THAT’S NOT ENOUGH WHAT ELSE!

Cashier: Jeez, just make like, soup or whatever.

Mac: Soup? Uh, uh yeah, right that lady said, right. Do you have soup?

 

[Dennis is asleep on the couch.]

[The door bursts open and Mac drops all of the tissues as he runs inside.]

[Dennis startles and wakes.]

Mac: DEN I GOT TISSUES.

Dennis: I was asleep Mac…

Mac: But tissues! Oh! [Pulls a can out of his back pocket.] And soup!

Dennis: Dude just let me sleep. [Rolls over.]

Mac: Um, well, yeah but I’ll make the soup and then you’ll eat it right? Like, it’ll warm you up-

Dennis: Slee- [Sneezes.] Sleeping Mac!

 

[Mac in the kitchen, staring at the soup in a pot.]

[Dennis walks in, wrapped up in a blanket.]

Mac: Careful dude there’s glass on the floor.

Dennis: Wh- what did you do?

Mac: Um… I dropped them I guess.

Dennis: You guess. Well, clean that shit up I don’t want glass in my feet.

 

[One hour later Dennis is clinging to Mac like a koala.]

Mac: Dude you’re all sweaty.

Dennis: ‘M too hot it’s the blankets. [Kicks them off.] I’m cold Mac what’d you do that for?

Mac: What? Dude you kicked them off. [Picks up the blankets.] There, better?

Dennis: It’s too hot!

Mac: Dude what do you want from me!?

[Dennis adamantly worms his way up under Mac’s shirt and settles in.]

Mac: Uh, dude? [Blushing.]

Dennis: ‘S cold, Mac.

Mac: Jesus dude. [Rubs Dennis’ back.] You’re a mess when you’re sick you know?

Dennis: Tired. [Sneezes.]

Mac: Sick dude! That’s gross get out! [Pulls off his shirt.]

[Dennis clings.]

Mac: Dude you feel all sticky. Maybe you should shower or something.

Dennis: That’s so hard dude come with me. The water’s gonna hurt.

Mac: Dude uh, water doesn’t hurt. C’mon your like, really really hot.

Dennis: I know bro look at me. [Tries to look sexy just looks sweaty and gross and bleary eyed.]

Mac: Dude, you’re so not up to your five star rating right now. C’mon, shower time.

 

[Dennis is leaning against the shower wall. A hand rubs his cheek.]

[They’re both in there.]

Dennis: Dude the ceiling’s blue when did you do that?

Mac: Uh dude you’re like, seeing shit. Lemme wash your hair bro it’s all greasy.

Dennis: [Smiles.] You’re such a good nurse, dude.

Mac: The best?

Dennis: Absolute best, baby boy. No question.

[End theme.]


End file.
